New course to be offered?

Mentor Lee Hill, seventh level guru and part time olive picker, is believed to be poised to announce that, with effect from 1 May or the commencement of charter flights to the island, whichever is the sooner, hew will be offering courses in his world famous “Ripmoffannna” meditation to overstressed tourists arriving in Paleochora.

“If I had to endure a 50 minute ride in a comfortable air conditioned bus through beautiful scenery to get here I would be so stressed I’d be prepared to spend 50 Euros for 30 minutes of gibberish being spouted at me,” he denied saying last night, “and anyway, everybody knows that worrying about money is the greatest cause of stress these days and all I’m doing is relieving them of their worries by relieving them of their money.”

When pointed out to him that teachers of this technique have to observe at least five precepts, if not eight, so that they can attain purification of sila. The third of the five precepts is abstention from sexual misconduct, whereas the third of the eight precepts is abstention from all kinds of sexual contact. If a teacher does not abstain from sexual contact, his mind will be defiled by the hindrance of sense desire kamacchanda nivarana and that only when the mind is purified from all hindrances can teachers realise mental and physical processes in their true nature, Mentor Lee Hill turned white and quickly left the room.


Anonymous said...

As a part-time Sakadagami person wishing to achieve anagami-magga and phala nana and therefore still in possession of my kama-raga, vyapada and dosa, I am in total sympathy with Mentor Lee Hill turning white. He needs to enjoy supermundane fruition (Phala) but perhaps the nearest Lidl will do and expelling his idiosyncrasies totally can be done in the car park round the back.

Malcolm Akkers said...

Sir, we could not be more in agreement...even if we knew what you were talking about!

Anonymous said...

Sir, I think there may have been an error with the new link to a site that encourages meditating and rumination.

" Rumination is regurgitation of ingesta from the reticulum, followed by remastication and reswallowing. It provides for effective mechanical breakdown of roughage and thereby increases substrate surface area to fermentative microbes.

Regurgitation is initiated with a reticular contraction distinct from the primary contraction. This contraction, in conjunction with relaxation of the distal esophageal sphincter, allows a bolus of ingesta to enter the esophagus. The bolus is carried into the mouth by reverse peristalsis. The fluid in the bolus is squeezed out with the tongue and reswallowed, and the bolus itself is remasticated, then reswallowed.".

I sincerely hope that none of this sort of activity is to be include in the new course.