Bill & Hilary In New Vagina Scandal

Some cucumbers yesterday.

Enigmatic Body Performance Artist and 5 rhythm tantrik yoga expert, Gertie Yakittov was briefly detained at the local Police station yesterday. Officers patiently explained to her that the fruit & veg section of Petrakis supermarket was probably not the best place to preview her up and coming event 'The One-woman Flat Mother Earth Vagina Monologue and Demonstration'

The English tourists, Bill & Hilary Bonkers from Barking, who were also involved in the incident were released without charge. They commented today; "Bill was just saying how wonderful the melons looked when she (Yakittov) started taking an interest in his plums (which we were going to take to the beach). "

Bill continued " Before you could say 'Save The Yangtze Dolphins!' she was up on the counter giving us a sneak preview. I mean... they were just taking in a delivery of cucumbers...there could have been a very nasty accident."

Local police said this morning in a press release that they were aware of Yakittov's forthcoming Vagina Event and specially trained officers would be "looking into it". Also everything taken down in Petrakis supermarket yesterday could be used in evidence.

Following the local police press comments, a high level police spokesman from Hania confirmed that "our policy that the old ones are the best remains unchanged"

Mentor Lee Hill claims to be able to do it with a goat!

Following the much reported failure of the attempt by an Indian tantrik magician to kill a man live (no pun intended) on television

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Mentor Lee Hill, seventh level guru and part time olive picker, announced to an astounded audience gathered for the Independence Day celebrations by the Paleochora Town hall that he had personally put a spell on a goat in Koundura and expected it to fall over dead in time for his annual vegetarian barbecue on 25 April.

There is expected to be a rush of panic buying of frozen goat at the Petrakis freezer counter as worried followers of the guru, Sid and Doris Bonkers of Oldham, or was it Neasden, were seen queuing up waiting for the shop to reopen on Weds 26 March.

Asked to comment on Mentor Lee Hill’s claims, Ms Demena, local sykik and part time abattoir attendee, fell over laughing; but this is thought to have been a side effect of her recently completed Raki Therapy

At the time of writing, the goat is said to be totally unconcerned.