"Terrorist" Plot Uncovered!

Mentor Lee Hill yesterday revealed that a plot to disrupt the workings of the Doris Stokes Drop-In Spiritual Realignment Centre and Karaoke Bar (Paleochora Branch) - the waiting room of which is shown alongside - had been discovered.

He stated that that, following an overheard remark in Agios last Wednesday evening, he discovered that the Tax Police were in the village and were asking traders to prove that they were issuing proper till receipts. Using psykickill means, believed to involve gazing at one or more of his crystal balls, he ascertained that none of the transactions carried out in the centre had been “put through the till” and that the tax Police were likely to take a dim view of this should they call.

“This is sheer terrorism…they are terrorising me and my loyal staff member, Ms Teake.” he said, “I’m terrified they’ll catch me at it.”

“ Things were just starting to look up, we just managed to flog several of our new, improved, and popularly priced, On Line Aura Cleansing packages to a bunch of gullible English tourists; they’d paid cash simply because they had cash and I needed it. Furthermore, my credit card machine is still enroute to me from my Ashram in Assam, or was it an Assam in Akram? Or maybe an Ashram in Akram? Anyway, it's not in Paleochora or Croydon, and the till is still calibrated in Drachmas so I couldn’t give a receipt.”

“Anyway, what are these tax people doing demanding that a guru like myself pay tax…don’t they realise what such demands can do to my psykick stability? I’ll have to put my prices up again if these outrageous demands to pay tax continue to be made.”

Grand Opening

A crowd of at least 7 people were treated to a spectacular event at the grand opening of the Doris Stokes Drop-In Spiritual Realignment Centre and Kareoke Bar (Paleochora Branch).

The impressive facility, which is conveniently located in a lush modern portacabin next to a half-finished and abandoned building down a dirt track was opened by none other than well known Indian mystik, healer, guru, shakti and 80's pop singing phenomenon, Chakra Khan (left).

Tragedy struck, however, when an accidental death occurred during the demonstration by Mr. Khan of the famous indian rope trick. The victim, an elderly man who is a well known coffee addict and can be seen frequenting cafes throughout the town, was indentified by his final words as Zachary Horis Gala.

Police are urging any relatives of Mr. Gala to come forward and make the necessary arrangements soon, as the police station is 'starting to hum a bit'

Police and rescue workers are still searching rooftops in the town for a small boy, last seen wearing a turban and a loin cloth.