Head explosion! Demons to blame?

Dr. Insa Ne's head exploding

Ms Demena yesterday hit out at the Daily Heil*, a widely read English “newspaper” over its promotion of what she called “lunatic ideas” after the “newspaper” reported that Father Jeremy Davies, exorcist for Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, the leader of Catholics in England and Wales, says that activities such as yoga, massage therapy, reiki or even reading horoscopes could put people at risk from evil spirits. According to the paper, widely known for its support of fascism in the 1930’s**, the unmarried, celibate, priest, (who insists on being called Father although he isn’t supposed to have children,) also argues in his new book that people with promiscuous lifestyles could find themselves afflicted by demons and he says that the occult is closely linked to the scourges of ‘drugs, demonic music and pornography’ which are ‘destroying millions of young people in our time’.

“This is nonsense,” the sykotic psychic raved, “everybody knows that no harm ever came from an overdose of raki and anyway, my over 80’s naked tantric sex and yoghurt sessions on the Sandy Beach every Friday at 2pm have very little to do with drugs, demonic music or pornography. (But if you’ve got some, I might know someone who might be interested.)”

“Anyway, what’s wrong with believing that massaging your feet with expensive oil or dancing naked around an olive tree in an anti clockwise direction while singing ‘OOOM’ after having paid me 356 Euros to tell you how to do it is going to bring you spiritual enlightenment? Mr Davies is just upset that I’m making more money out of it than he is.”

Mentor Lee Hill, seventh level guru and part time olive picker, wasn’t available for comment.

Later that day after it became clear that the priest’s warnings might have contained some measure of truth when “Dr.” Insa Ne’s head appeared to explode. It is believed that she had spent too much time stimulating her chakras.