Clean Monday - New service on offer?

Bucket of Metaxa and stirrup pump - are these related to the new treatment?

Confusing image of unrelated letters and colours - are these involved as well?

Ms Teake*, the Paleochora based psychik who denies ever having any relationship, platonic or otherwise, with Ms Demena the other Paleochora based psychotic, is expected to announce shortly her plans for a special “Clean Monday” service on offer to those in the area who feel the need to prepare physically, psyckiclly and spiritually for the long Lenten fast ahead of them.

Though not yet willing to share the details of the new treatment on offer because of the alleged propensity for “…other shameless charlatans in Paleochora and the surrounding area to steal all my best ideas and flog them off as their own in a tawdry effort to rip money off from gullible people who believe the sort of nonsense they peddle…” Ms Teake did hint that it would be a unique combination of singing bowl therapy and colonic irrigation.

Speaking late last night, although declining to say to what exact use the stirrup pump would be put, she would go as far as to say that the singing bowl portion of the treatment worked because:

“The bowl holds all master conductor frequencies for sonic reconnective patterning, molecularly energizing the body and enriching life experiences –a conscious sonic walk in Light - whilst the natural harmoniser within it that creates a mother of pearl essence and opalescent finish, and carries an energy of Venus, the goddess of love. Microscopic bubbles added to the quartz produce a porous surface and pastel elegance with a nurturing vibration of water elementals. The beautiful and spherical completeness of pearls represents an ever-present and fullness of Spirit. Helpful in working through emotional issues and giving birth to mature Divine Mother/Gaia energies in a sound stream of comfort… and besides, after the application of the other part of the treatment (believed to involve the use of the stirrup pump) all the waste has to be collected in something.”

When it was pointed out to her that the treatment she was proposing to offer had distinct similarities to that unsuccessfully marketed in August last year by Mentor Lee Hill, seventh level guru and part time olive picker, she pointed out that Mentor Lee Hill’s system used Raki whilst hers would use 1 star Metaxa, 2 kilos of herbal tea per person and a pretty bowl, and that no goats were involved.

The cost of the proposed therapy is believed to be in the order of 35 Euros per session, and potential customers are advised to bring their own towels.

* Pronounced Ms Teak, not Ms Take