Mentor Lee Hill claims to be able to do it with a goat!

Following the much reported failure of the attempt by an Indian tantrik magician to kill a man live (no pun intended) on television

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Mentor Lee Hill, seventh level guru and part time olive picker, announced to an astounded audience gathered for the Independence Day celebrations by the Paleochora Town hall that he had personally put a spell on a goat in Koundura and expected it to fall over dead in time for his annual vegetarian barbecue on 25 April.

There is expected to be a rush of panic buying of frozen goat at the Petrakis freezer counter as worried followers of the guru, Sid and Doris Bonkers of Oldham, or was it Neasden, were seen queuing up waiting for the shop to reopen on Weds 26 March.

Asked to comment on Mentor Lee Hill’s claims, Ms Demena, local sykik and part time abattoir attendee, fell over laughing; but this is thought to have been a side effect of her recently completed Raki Therapy

At the time of writing, the goat is said to be totally unconcerned.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

At the time of reading the goat is very concerned indeed and doings with goats belong in another part of the island altogether.

Over here we listen to Goatwhore whilst doings are going on.

"Perversions of the Ancient Goat" is a very pretty tune with words to match:
"As Darkness Takes My Soul
Through The Sinister Thy Shall Be Born
Summon The Mistress Of Night
Hail And Praises Be

Hail... To The Ancient Goat
Pleasures In Perversity

Come To Me Dark Goddess, Enchant With Your Sin
To Feed Upon The Living Blood, Writhe In Blasphemy
For I Am Your Servant, Praise To Baphomet

As Darkness Takes My Soul
Hail To The Ancient Goat
Birthed To A Thousand Young
Hail And Praises Be"

Mentor Lee Hill's spell will also fail, clods of wheat have no chance at all against Baphomet who has been summoned to the rescue. (I would link to a picture but there may be kids around).

Be careful with goats, goats are not just for christmas (or 25th April)